Kakashi and the Kitty Pirates
by Imonanewaccoutpleasevisitthere
Summary: Are all of Kakashi's excuses lies? It seems not! WARNING: Complete randomness, KittyPirate. Should not read if you have heart conditions, liver problems, bladder problems or any sanity remaining at all.


Kakashi and the Kitty Pirates!

Mrr! Seliphra here, this tale ties in to my other fic, _Collision of Destiny_, prologue part one. Remember his excuse with the kitty pirates? Well….it just may have been true….

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Kakashi grabbed _Icha Icha Paradise_ (volume 4.6 ½) and put it in his pocket. Oh wouldn't team seven be surprised to see him there on time for once! Being constantly late, you see, was to fool them, to see if _they _came to training on time, even if he usually didn't! He chuckled evily to himself at the thought as he made his merry way down the street on that warm December morning. Unusually warm actually, now that he thought about it. He paused a moment to ponder this, and while he pondered he failed to notice a giggle of cat-girls directly behind him, all dressed as she-pirates. That is, he didn't notice them until they put a burlap Idaho-Potatoes sack over his head and began to carry him away. "How odd…this bag is for potatoes, but smells more like…" He sniffed carefully, "…fish! Why the hell does…hey, wait a minute, I'm being kidnapped!" The sudden realization kicked in, but before he had time to think on how to employ his awesome ninja skills to get him out of his predicament, he found himself tied to a ships mast. "What in blazes is going on here!" He asked a nearby Neko.  
"We need a ninja!" She replied cheerfully."Why do you need a ninja?""Oh! We don't need just any ninja, no, no, no, no! We need a Jounin who is a bit stupid, doesn't really notice anything, perverted, is usually late for everything with really bad excuses!" She said, again cheerfully. The question marks floating above Kakashi's head must have been visible because she then said, "And we really have no idea if this is you, but you sure look like the type! Nyaa!"

"…What exactly do you need me for?""Um…hang on, I'll ask around!" She huddled with some of the others and twenty minutes later came back. "Well Hatake-san, after much deliberation we have come to a conclusion! A conclusion to why we needed a Konoha-Gakure Jounin who is a bit stupid, doesn't really notice anything, perverted, is usually late for everything with really bad excuses!""And that conclusion would be…?"  
"We don't know!" They all cheered in unison.  
"So…can I go then?"  
"Nope!"  
"Why not?"  
"Because our captain, navigator and first mate as well as a good majority of the crew just had some catnip and well…see for yourself!" She took the mast he was tied to with both paws, and somehow spun it around to face rudder control where the person…er…Neko, at the controls was taking orders from another, who must have been the captain, and was screaming at the top of her lungs, "Turn the big wheel right! Turn the big wheel left! Right! Right! Strait! Left! 130 in any direction! Turn-" And the Neko spun the mast back again. "See what I mean?"  
"Yes…can you untie me then?"  
"Sure!" He was untied quickly and he wandered around the ship until for a bit -maybe half an hour?- until he noticed that it was unusually quiet above deck. He went to investigate and discovered all the kitty pirates had passed out. He grinned, for not only was this a chance to escape. He went up to the rudder control giddy as a small child on sugar. "Oh boy, I always wanted to do this!" He said, unable to contain his excitement. He flexed his fingers, not only did he escape, he got to fulfill his secret, lifelong dream of driving a ship! Although, one normally sails a ship, he would drive this one, a rare and difficult thing to do which only talented people could do. He grinned ear to ear, and thought hard, after all, he had no idea where he was. He then performed a jutsu to tell him exactly where he was, unfortunately, he would forget said jutsu the moment he stepped off the ship. Carefully, he spun the wheel to the left and somehow -likely to repeated use of the jutsu and unconscious captors- he sailed to shore, not too far from Konoha and walked a distance until he was quite sure he knew where he was and poofed himself to the Hokage's office. "Sorry I'm late, you see-"  
"I don't want your lame-ass excuse Kakashi. Here's your assignment." Tsunade handed him a sheet of paper and went back to counting the pile of money on her desk before proceeding to stash it in a large brown bag, not unlike the potato one Kakashi had earlier found himself in, with a large decorative dollar sign on the front in black. Kakashi frowned and looked up at her, "Uh, Tsunade-hime… this says-""I know what it say's Kakashi-kun, I wrote it."  
"But team 7 is-""I _know_ Hatake-san, now take the damned mission and get out of my face!" Kakashi sighed and poofed to the training grounds where he knew team seven was waiting, and likely annoyed at him being later than normal. "Sorry I'm late, you see, I was captured by female kitty-pirates and they-"  
"LIAR!" Sakura and Naruto yelled in unison, pointing their right-hand index fingers at him and glaring. "Well, that aside, mission today team seven!"  
"What are we doing?" Sasuke asked, not bothering to look up, likely lost in some angst thought or another. "Catching a cat," Kakashi rolled his visible eye, "named Pocky." The Uchiha gave an exasperated sigh as he stood. The silver-haired Jounin despised giving his talented -if not dysfunctional- team a D-ranked mission, knowing full well they were practically Chuunin which Sakura then proceeded to point out, clearly aggravated. Not to mention, Kakashi now disliked cats. Especially part-human one's that were quite capable of dragging people a good hour-and-a-half away from where they were supposed to be. "I know Sakura-chan, but there's nothing I can do…" he said giving her an empathetic look. '_Well,_' he thought, '_so much for being on time!_'

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Bwuhahahahaha! It's done! At last! Okay, I wrote this one-shot ages ago, and I just got around to typing it up an- 

Kakashi: And as you can see, some of my excuses are valid!

Seliphra: Why did you not just poof in the first place and save yourself all the trouble of getting kidnapped by junkie kitty-pirates!

Kakashi: …I don't…know…/sweatdrops/


End file.
